Archive for February, 2011


I like to have a look at what people are typing into search engines to find us.  The term ‘Hot Poly’ is one of the bigger ones,  so I had to go and have my own test run.  If you type ‘Hot Poly’ into Google we are the second option! Yay us! Maybe that’s a sign we should blog more??




I watched this little video the other day.  Very interesting.  And actually really relevant to me.  I have a thyroid issue.  But not the same one as Nina Hartley (who is freaking amazing!).  No,  I have whats called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  It kind of sucks but I can keep it regulated with medication.  Hooray science!

The part that I was really able to identify with in that video was the low libido.  When my levels are off then the first thing to go is my sex drive (and it takes me longer to orgasm).  And yes, it really is the last thing to come back.

I have been dealing with this since I was pretty young.  The thyroid issues, not the orgasms.  I could always reach orgasm on my own, but not always with partners.  This could cause many issues with lovers.  That whole “did you cum?” looming over your head.  If you don’t then something is either wrong with you or with them.  In the sex race the finish line was always the orgasm.  When I was sleeping with my first lady love (at age 13ish) I always just enjoyed the fun we had.  I don’t recall if she ever came, but I know I didn’t at least not at the time.  Later on my own I would.  That was never an issue for us.  We just enjoyed the act and the feelings we did have.  It was never really an issue until I started to sleep with guys when I was 18.  My first guy – I faked it every time we had sex.  It was too quick (under 5 mins) so I never really had time to build up to it.  And I didn’t want to make him feel bad about it.  My second male lover on the other hand was able to bring me to orgasm with his mouth and hand.  That was pretty awesome for me! It wasn’t until I was 19/20 and sleeping with Laine that I had my first orgasm during sex.  It was never a requirement of sex, but it was always a nice bonus.

One thing I did notice about my orgasms were that they didn’t always feel the same during sex as they did on my own.  It wasn’t just the different intensity. Later on as I became poly and found that I really struggled to have orgasms during sex with other partners I really had to take a look at what was going on with me.  I was enjoying the sex, I enjoyed my partners, but I couldn’t just get there.  I didn’t mind, much.  I had sex for the fun and the connection it brought.

First step was to get my levels checked.  I knew that if they were low then everything else went downhill.

Second step was to get over my shyness.  Sometimes all we need is a lack of inhibition in the bed room.  Let my partner explore my body.  Be comfortable in my own skin.  Have sex for the sake of sex not for any other reason (that one was pretty easy to do).

Third step was to have my own orgasms.  What pressure do I like? What feels good to me? How hard/fast. To the left/right or direct stimulation.

Fourth step was to accept that I can’t always get there and not make it a big deal if I do or don’t.

As I get older all this became simpler. I have less hang ups about sex now than I did 5 years ago, and even less than 10 years ago.

Another thing I have learned about over the years is trantric.  I want to be clear here, I don’t have trantric sex.  I just take some ideas and practices into thought.  I can now orgasm without a strong physical response.  It’s just as good, and can be just as strong as a physical orgasm, but I don’t need the same stimulation.  I started learning about these kinds many years ago.  I’m really glad that I did.  They really take the stress off!

As I get older and more and more comfortable in my own body I have found I can also be multi-orgasmic (and on occasion ejaculate).  Mostly it’s the lack of my own personal hang ups.  Sometimes it is easier to achieve when my levels are in the normal range too.

This whole health and orgasm thread came about because I have this amazing doctor right now who listens to me when I talk with them about how I am feeing on my thyroid meds.  Sure my levels are normal range, but I still have the symptoms, so we increased the dosage just a little bit.  Over the last month and a half I have noticed a HUGE improvement.  Sex drive is the fist thing to go and the last to come back.  It’s been back in full force these last few weeks and I welcome it! I would go weeks at a time without even masturbating.  I just didn’t care to.  Now I actually want to.  And I can orgasm with when I have sex with someone.  Both the tantric kind and the physical kind.

Your state of wellness makes a huge difference in how you approach your relationships.  When you’re poly it’s not just you.  It’s you, your partner(s), their partner(s) and so on.  Cumming with one person and not with another can be a blow to the self esteem.  For anyone.  I didn’t learn different ways to orgasm for anyone but me.  I wanted to get another level of satisfaction from sex.  I enjoy sex. I really enjoy sex.  I’m not shy about that.  I don’t worry anymore about if i’ll ‘finish’.  I also don’t feel the need to lie or fake it now.  I’ll get there or I wont.  I’m just going to enjoy the ride….



I’m sorry!

I have been neglectful. What I’d like to do on this blog is write focused posts that explore specific topics – rather than just the story of my life (although I want to keep you all updated on my life, too). I started my original blog to tell the story of Hank’s, Wren’s and my triad, because I wanted to document something that felt so amazing. Later I began to use that blog to work through my feelings surrounding what happened between Pat, Lisa and me. I then moved over here to try to avoid some drama between Wren and me, and upon moving here there was still a lot of healing going on for me, so I wrote about that. I am finally back at my centre, and have been for some time, and because of that there are fewer dramatic situations to dissect, if any. This is great! Both because I can’t take the stress of prolonged drama, and because it means I can delve more into the actual issues surrounding polyamory, bisexuality, and other such things.

But. For now… I will update you all. Once I’ve posted this update I can get to work constructing some broader posts.

Hank and Kalina broke up at the end of November, the month that she took off work and lived in our city to see how things might work long-term. To be honest the break-up wasn’t pretty. You might even say it was arduous. Okay, fuck, yes, it was arduous. A lot of off and on, Hank not making his intentions clear, Kalina acting quite erratically. It wasn’t fun to watch and I’m sure it was even less fun to be in the middle of. They seem to have it sorted now and still speak sometimes, but not about getting back together. I’d say more about the reasons for the break-up but again, it’s not my story to tell so I won’t speculate or try to explain any of it here. Those of you who know Hank personally are welcome to ask. 😉

Veronica and I are still together, though we haven’t seen each other much since we had a night away together in mid-December. We have gotten together a couple of times, but between me being gone for a week at Christmas, then her leaving for one trip very early in January and another immediately after, and just getting home last night, it feels like I haven’t seen her in ages! I am hoping to see her tomorrow night. Hank is away this week and then for most of February and into March, so I’m hoping Veronica can come stay at my place at least a couple nights this month.

I am also headed to visit Lucy (see “first girl love,” here) with Satsuki this month while Hank is away. I’m really excited about that. It was so awesome being with Lucy, her partner and their two kids when we went to visit in August. Things between us are really natural and easy, and there is a really deep love there. It’s really lovely.

Aside from that, I will fill you all in on my feelings regarding the guy friend I went hiking with last summer. I am going to call him Jason. I’ve been kind of interested in him still, but go back and forth on it, and on guys in general really. That’s a whole post in itself.

Really my life has been lots and lots of work, lots of homeschooling, lots of hanging out with Koi, taking part in the burgeoning local poly and bi communities (so much fun and so many new friends!!), and working out more (and feeling great for it). I will post again soon, I promise. Now to decide which topic to tackle first…