And I don’t know how to tell you, or whether to tell you. And I would Facebook friend request you but since you defriended me I feel like I should honour your action by not requesting you reverse it… or something like that. And yeah, Facebook is stupid. And it’s stupid to feel like an entire relationship is defined by our connection, or lack thereof, on a social networking site. Why not by our phone conversations? Or our interactions in person? So about those…. well, we don’t talk on the phone. But in person… it’s nice to see you. And when I do see you, I realize again that I miss you. I don’t feel weird, and I don’t feel bad, and I smile and laugh.

So, what if I sent you a text, or a Facebook message, or an email that said, “It was good to see you today.”? What if … what if what? What’s the worst that could happen? Right now I’m living at pretty much the bottom of our relationship/friendship trajectory. But I feel like any action I might take, anything I might say, no matter how well intentioned, has a risk tied to it. And the possibility of finding a new bottom to this is so much scarier than where we are now – not having you in my life at all except when I run into you every couple of months and talk to you, kind of like old times, for about five minutes.

For now I’ll keep this in the balance.

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