Tag Archive: lesbotronic


And So It Goes.

Just a collection of updates. No big thing to report on really, other than the fact that I really miss my husband. I was reading back tonight and I think sometime mid-July I had mentioned that Hank and I not seeing each other was taking its toll. Well, it’s gotten worse. I miss him so much it hurts and I have kind of just shut down because there is nothing we can do about it and I can’t sit around crying about it. I am going to see him for a total of about 12 hours this week (Friday-Friday). Argh. Again, nothing much can be done about it but for crying out loud, we need to find some balance. Satsuki now talks daily about how Hank never has any time for her or me and that she misses him and he needs to hang out with us more. I just feel kind of empty all the time. I’m sure what I really need is to learn to be okay by myself. I kind of like alone time. To a point. But come on – all the time? And it’s not so much the alone time really. It’s the parenting without him. I always thought I was meant to have a few kids. I LOVE kids! I’ve always worked with kids and I find them hilarious and awesome. But damned if I don’t find parenting waaaaay harder than I expected. It could just be the level of stress in our lives, maybe if we weren’t so busy it would be easier. But who doesn’t have stress, really? My life can’t be that much more hectic than most other people’s. I don’t know. I just know that the days are really, really long. I would love to be able to find time to go for a jog, or take a yoga class.

Okay whining over.

On the bright side (yay bright side!), I’ve done some pretty sweet things this week. Did a really super awesome work-related photo shoot that will be featured in a local magazine sooner than we had hoped for, to publicize a community event I’m helping to organize for the fall. Ah, so vague. Stupid anonymity. Anyway it rocked. And yesterday (Saturday) while Hank was visiting his girlfriend (she’s given me the go-ahead to write about her but I don’t have a name for her yet), Satsuki and I went to a barbecue fundraiser for this really amazing local charity, then last night, we attended the coolest public art installation EVER! in a local park. God I wish I could give details. It was one of those things where I had no clue whether anyone would show up or whether it would be worth going. Well, yes, thousands did, and yes, it was more than worth it. Because I’m a sap, I actually teared up over the whole thing. It was just so beautiful! And it made me so proud for once to live in this city that I bitch about so often. This weekend I have been thinking a lot about all the amazing things that are going on in my town as far as urban farming, sustainability, public art, revitalization, and general awareness, and I have been feeling really, really lucky to live here. Which is awesome.

Last night one of my long-time BFFs came over and we drank some decent wine and watched Shutter Island. Ooh it was good. Great mystery. I will say no more.

Today Satsuki and I met up with friends at a festival near downtown, which was so much more awesome than I was expecting. Really great job on the part of local activists and movers/shakers. Ha. At the same time in the same area was an art market that takes place monthly and is really well done. This was great because for once I could actually afford to buy something, and I bought two really amazing prints which I think I’ll have plaque mounted. One is of a woman on her hands and knees in a corset and garter belt, beside a little toy robot whose eyes are glowing red as he gazes at her. So great. Then we went and met my friend’s new puppy, and then picked up Hank at the bus depot and I actually got to hang out with him for five hours! That was really nice.

Have I mentioned we’ve had sex like, twice in the past month? Le sigh.

Again, I was reading back through June and July and I’ll bet you’re all wondering what happened to my relationship optimism! Well, predictably, the little doubts and general lack of enthusiasm I was feeling about my relationships kind of ran their course. I still haven’t seen Audrey, and I haven’t talked to Daphne since the beginning of the month. I was telling Koi the other night over Skype that I am not going to actively pursue a relationship anymore, but rather remain open, put out an available vibe, and just let things develop naturally. That is always the best way, no? Oh and I guess put it out there that I am also open to cuddle friends. So yeah, not really dating anyone right now (when, pray tell, would I find the time?? Unless my new girlfriend really wanted to join me for canning, parenting and other general home-maintenance goodness.)

I do have a couple more crushes. More remote possibilities, yay! I don’t think you could even call them possibilities. One is a professional who worked in the office where my business used to be located. She moved away a couple of years ago and I haven’t really talked to her since. She posted on FB the other day that she was leaving the coast and I replied asking her if she is moving back here. Alas, no. But she did send me a private message saying she has been thinking of me, giving me an update on her life, and signing off with “xo.” That was nice. Second is my librarian. This one is just plain funny because he has got to be five years younger than me (and I’m not that old), and when he does flirt back, he gets so flustered. It’s cute. He complimented me on my Tyvek wallet the other day. Ooh he’s cute. I could corrupt him so incredibly much. Muahahaha.

The last one is an actual possibility, and I’m not entirely sure she’s a crush yet. She’s from the dating site. I have written to her before and she has written back, and she belongs to the poly group, but somehow we have never met. She’s never come out to anything. I noticed she’s keeping her profile up to date though, so figured she must still be looking, so I wrote her a message asking why we haven’t met and whether she plans to come to a pub night. She said the idea is overwhelming and I responded that I understand it is scary coming into a group of strangers all alone, especially given the nature of the group. I suggested we meet up before the next pub night so that if she comes out, she’ll at least know one person. She said that sounds great. So we shall meet in early September, after I get back from my family vacation.

Oh yes. I’m going on a family vacation. August 29-Sept. 6. Thank god. We need it so badly. We’ll be seeing Man and Koi, as well as a bunch of other great, old friends. Yay! Super looking forward to it.

I will leave you with Lesbotronic’s list of dating ad do’s and don’ts. Sure, it’s written for lesbians… but it applies to all of us.

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This is what we call insomnia

Just a quick post that will be kind of unfocused because I am not ready to sleep. Hank is working 9 pm to 9 am tonight and the next two nights and when he’s not home at bedtime I have a hard time getting my ass into bed.

So, we were planning a family trip from tomorrow (Friday) till the following Friday. As usual thanks to our lifestyle (work-wise), it kept getting pushed back – bank account ran dry, jobs kept coming up, blah blah blah. Well we were still going to go but then today a work commitment that Hank couldn’t really say no to came up, so there goes that trip. I have decided though that since I have the week off and don’t know when I’ll be able to get away again, Satsuki and I will just go on a road trip on our own. I’m excited! We leave Monday. We’ll visit Ivy and two of my other hippie friends who live near Ivy. I won’t be blogging all next week, well unless I can get WiFi and feel up to pecking out an entry on the WordPress app on my iPod, but I’ll write all about it when I get back. I LOVE the area Ivy has moved to – I go there most springs, and it just imbues my life with this sense of magic and newness. It’s awesome. I always have breakthroughs while I’m there. Should be great.

Also, I continue to be proactive on the dating sites. Tonight I checked up on a message I have on one lesbian dating site – it’s only free for the first week and after that you have to pay a subscription to read or send messages. I had received a message from a woman but can’t read it; however she has her email address in her profile so I sent her an email. Then I went to www.lesbotronic.com to browse the options again, but honestly there are not many and the bulk of the profile there is multiple choice with very few spaces in your own words, so it’s hard to get a feel for people. However one girl seems interesting and sounds cute so I emailed her; another one mentioned she and her husband have an open relationship so I emailed her about the pub nights. Oh and I sent a message to a cute girl on the main site I’m on, and then she viewed my profile a few minutes later, and has not responded. That always really sucks and it happens to me often. I keep looking at my profile trying to figure out what is chasing people away. I know for some it’s that I’m married, but she specifically said she’s cool with that. I suppose often you’re just not what someone is looking for for one reason or another. It just gets frustrating. Only one week till the feminist art show I’m going to, two weeks till I can go hooping in the park and three weeks till my first erotica writing circle! It can’t come soon enough (ooh sorry… no pun intended). Hey speaking of which… a new nail place opened up in the building where I work, and they have a sign out front that says COMING 50% off. Hank and I were trying to discern whether that meant the charge for indecent exposure after ejaculating in their shop would be halved, or whether a service meant to induce orgasm is currently half off? Intriguing.