I watched this little video the other day.  Very interesting.  And actually really relevant to me.  I have a thyroid issue.  But not the same one as Nina Hartley (who is freaking amazing!).  No,  I have whats called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.  It kind of sucks but I can keep it regulated with medication.  Hooray science!

The part that I was really able to identify with in that video was the low libido.  When my levels are off then the first thing to go is my sex drive (and it takes me longer to orgasm).  And yes, it really is the last thing to come back.

I have been dealing with this since I was pretty young.  The thyroid issues, not the orgasms.  I could always reach orgasm on my own, but not always with partners.  This could cause many issues with lovers.  That whole “did you cum?” looming over your head.  If you don’t then something is either wrong with you or with them.  In the sex race the finish line was always the orgasm.  When I was sleeping with my first lady love (at age 13ish) I always just enjoyed the fun we had.  I don’t recall if she ever came, but I know I didn’t at least not at the time.  Later on my own I would.  That was never an issue for us.  We just enjoyed the act and the feelings we did have.  It was never really an issue until I started to sleep with guys when I was 18.  My first guy – I faked it every time we had sex.  It was too quick (under 5 mins) so I never really had time to build up to it.  And I didn’t want to make him feel bad about it.  My second male lover on the other hand was able to bring me to orgasm with his mouth and hand.  That was pretty awesome for me! It wasn’t until I was 19/20 and sleeping with Laine that I had my first orgasm during sex.  It was never a requirement of sex, but it was always a nice bonus.

One thing I did notice about my orgasms were that they didn’t always feel the same during sex as they did on my own.  It wasn’t just the different intensity. Later on as I became poly and found that I really struggled to have orgasms during sex with other partners I really had to take a look at what was going on with me.  I was enjoying the sex, I enjoyed my partners, but I couldn’t just get there.  I didn’t mind, much.  I had sex for the fun and the connection it brought.

First step was to get my levels checked.  I knew that if they were low then everything else went downhill.

Second step was to get over my shyness.  Sometimes all we need is a lack of inhibition in the bed room.  Let my partner explore my body.  Be comfortable in my own skin.  Have sex for the sake of sex not for any other reason (that one was pretty easy to do).

Third step was to have my own orgasms.  What pressure do I like? What feels good to me? How hard/fast. To the left/right or direct stimulation.

Fourth step was to accept that I can’t always get there and not make it a big deal if I do or don’t.

As I get older all this became simpler. I have less hang ups about sex now than I did 5 years ago, and even less than 10 years ago.

Another thing I have learned about over the years is trantric.  I want to be clear here, I don’t have trantric sex.  I just take some ideas and practices into thought.  I can now orgasm without a strong physical response.  It’s just as good, and can be just as strong as a physical orgasm, but I don’t need the same stimulation.  I started learning about these kinds many years ago.  I’m really glad that I did.  They really take the stress off!

As I get older and more and more comfortable in my own body I have found I can also be multi-orgasmic (and on occasion ejaculate).  Mostly it’s the lack of my own personal hang ups.  Sometimes it is easier to achieve when my levels are in the normal range too.

This whole health and orgasm thread came about because I have this amazing doctor right now who listens to me when I talk with them about how I am feeing on my thyroid meds.  Sure my levels are normal range, but I still have the symptoms, so we increased the dosage just a little bit.  Over the last month and a half I have noticed a HUGE improvement.  Sex drive is the fist thing to go and the last to come back.  It’s been back in full force these last few weeks and I welcome it! I would go weeks at a time without even masturbating.  I just didn’t care to.  Now I actually want to.  And I can orgasm with when I have sex with someone.  Both the tantric kind and the physical kind.

Your state of wellness makes a huge difference in how you approach your relationships.  When you’re poly it’s not just you.  It’s you, your partner(s), their partner(s) and so on.  Cumming with one person and not with another can be a blow to the self esteem.  For anyone.  I didn’t learn different ways to orgasm for anyone but me.  I wanted to get another level of satisfaction from sex.  I enjoy sex. I really enjoy sex.  I’m not shy about that.  I don’t worry anymore about if i’ll ‘finish’.  I also don’t feel the need to lie or fake it now.  I’ll get there or I wont.  I’m just going to enjoy the ride….